Reflection
Reflection: NaNoWriMo Writing
It’s complicated. I have to say the feeling is really complicated. The satisfaction and relief when I finished the writing (not a real “finished”) was incredible, yet the suffering and pain from writer’s block and word count per day was unbearable either. It wasn’t my first time writing and communicating with the characters under my pen, but whenever I reread what I have written, the nostalgic feeling was down to my throat every time.
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I want to focus on showing morality and the so-called soberness through characters’ actions, feelings, and situations, that’s the reason why I chose the theme. I still can remember how stressed I was while looking at the word count when it didn’t meet the goal, and the writer’s block indeed blew me off.
At last, I still managed to reach the word count, however, despite reaching the quantity, I was intended to focus more on quality. For me, this novel was a “start”, but never an “end”.
Reflection: 2021's Gloom
2021...This October break wasn’t as productive as the previous breaks in my opinion. Over the break, I had some lessons and attended a virtual college fair, those were actually fun, but overall, I felt like the time I spent trying to relax was way more than the time I spent on work.
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Was it worth it? Yes, but no.
This break really gave me a time to breathe in the middle of junior year, a year that burden the most (not necessarily true, just a personal opinion). I felt tense all the time, not till the point that will break me, but stressed enough to let me feel uncomfortable. I was able to throw some concerns and negativities behind for a while in the break, and that’s a good thing, isn’t it?
Then why did I answer no either?
I felt like I’m weird, but when I’m doing nothing I will lose the sense of security and I will feel like I forgot to do something, which will eventually lead to anxiety. I hope for having a break, but my mind is not giving myself a break, that’s how weird I am, and that’s how I deal with every day in my October break. It’s excruciating…
Fortunately and sadly, I kinda got used to it.
Reflection: Future, Accept or Deny?
Right now my career road is pretty unclear due to various reasons, so I will just have a talk of the career that I planned initially.
I once have dreamed of being a composer and a musician as my future career. I intended to go into those music colleges, and of course, getting into those colleges is said easier than done. I need to understand the music theory, and it would be better to have a good vocal (which I don’t have) or master a musical instrument. It definitely requires lots of practice. I love music, I think that’s the reason why I chose my intended career, very simple but sincere. I didn’t care about the income that much, I just wanted to do what I like to do, I can’t imagine myself doing a job that I don’t like for years.
I got in touch with music since very young, I can play both violin and piano, and I also wrote four completed songs in the past. If I practice more, I really have a chance to pursue it. It’s not like being overconfident of something, because I clearly know how much blood, sweat, and tears I had for music, but unlucky, that was my goal, but not anymore.
I really paid a lot of effort to this dream, a bit sarcastic with realistic, but it will not erase my enthusiasm for life. No matter which way I take, I will live my life brilliantly.
Live my own life, in my own name.
